Monday Monologue 09.24.12

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Some college football teams like to open up the season by playing easy opponents out of conference. The Big Ten has decided to maximize this strategy of loading up on cupcakes. To make the schedule as easy as possible, the Big Ten is adding a 13th team, so every team can play each other once. With the way the Big Ten has looked so far this season, it doesn’t get any easier than that.

MSU and OSU play each other this weekend in East Lansing. Picking which team you want to win this game is like picking which appendage you want to lose.
Yes, an OSU win could potentially help Michigan win the conference. But asking OSU for help is like asking for money from your least favorite relative. It would be better to sell drugs and vital organs than to ask them for a favor.
The Lions have really succeeded in making average QBs look good lately. From Matty Flynn to Jake Locker, opposing QBs have had a field day on a secondary that could only make Greg Robinson proud. Instead of coaching the corners and safeties to play tight coverage, the coaching staff has employed Kramer’s “wide lane” strategy for covering receivers, and the ending results are similar to this video.
To put it bluntly, Michigan was not very effective in the red zone against Notre Dame. But how ineffective were they?
Here are the Big Ten Things More Effective than Michigan in the Red Zone
12. Hunting elephants with flyswatters (@MGoBlue1982)
11. The 3-3-5 defense (@AmazinBlueFan)
10. Plaxico Burress’s aim (@TheRedOne93)
9. The Krispy Kreme diet (@LanceGordon)
8. The Threat of Mark Dantonio discipline (@mjarvi83)
7. DIRECTV in a monsoon (@Mark_Blosser)
6. A fish net winter coat (@JBTWEETNOTHINGS)
5. The Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl (@mitchtweezy34)
4. Antonio Cromartie’s birth control methods (@TheRedZone93)
3. Charlie Weis without Tom Brady (@jmatthe313)
2. Lindsey Lohan’s rehab (@wolverine_killa @78Grams)
1. NFL replacement refs (@Mark_Blosser)
Oh, and one thing NOT More Effective than Michigan in the Red Zone – Arizona in the red zone!!! 6 trips, ZERO points!!! How very RichRod-ian.
Derek Devine
Institutional voice of Alma College during the day, Michigan fanatic at night. Taking TBHR to the next level one post at a time.