1. Michigan puts a #GOBLUE hashtag on the big house field. You respond by:
A) Saying “looky here, a tic-tac-toe board!!” running onto the field, and being escorted by security
B) Commenting that David Brandon is a step ahead of his competition once again
C) Pure rage! Quickly writing a letter to Brandon, telling him how you are removing your contribution because he is messing with sacred tradition!!!!
2. Alternate jerseys make you:
A) Go to your favorite retailer and ask if the Michigan jerseys by Colosseum and Starter have been reduced from their regular price of $15
B) Glad to see that Michigan is doing something to make the players and recruits excited. After all, that is who these are for
C) Throw up all over your cardigan sweater. This is messing with sacred tradition, and Tom Harmon is clearly rolling over in his grave!!
3. When you hear Pop Evil’s song “In the Big House”, you:
A) Throw your hands in the air, yell and scream, and ask your buddy when Pop Evil is touring with Nickelback
B) Cringe a little bit, but realize that this is part of a broader effort to rebrand Michigan football out of the country club atmosphere it was known for in the past few decades
C) Throw on some earplugs, weep for humanity, and start writing your complaint speech for the next alumni gathering
4. Your favorite development from recent years at football games is:
A) The addition of yelling “You Suck” at the conclusion of the song that plays when the other team doesn’t convert on 3rd down
B) The hiring of Coach Hoke and staff
C) Favorite recent development? Nothing good has happened with Michigan football since they got rid of leather helmets
5. Your all time favorite Michigan football player is:
A) Steve Everitt. No idea when he played or what position, but I saw him during the Notre Dame game last year, and he looks just like me!
B) Charles Woodson, Tom Brady, Mike Hart, Denard Robinson, Desmond Howard, Jake Long, or Tyrone Wheatley
C) Gerald R. Ford. He played during the “real” football era rich in tradition, and his republican policies keep the riff-raff out of my life
6. Your favorite Michigan accounts to follow on twitter include:
A) @chatsportsACE and @mspeedkills – those guys have all the best insider info!!! I don’t care if they make it up or steal it!!
B) @chengelis, @mgoblog, @SamWebb77, @sbell021, @kmeinke, @TBHreport, etc.
C) What is this Twitter you speak of?
7. The Fab Five banners should
A) Have never been taken down in the first place! We won ’em fair and square, and everything the news said about The Fab Five was lie!
B) Be put back up at the Crisler Center. The sentence has been served, and it’s time to move on. But the school was right to take them down for a while
C) Thrown in a dumpster somewhere, along with those baggy shorts they wore. Bring back Stockton shorts!
8. Your favorite part of the RichRod era was:
A) Nothing good came out of the RichRod era
B) Nothing good came out of the RichRod era
C) Nothing good came out of the RichRod era
If you answered:
Mostly “A”s – you are a Walmart Wolverine. So crank up that Popevil in your Chevy Corsica, and give the guy with that Sparty sticker the middle finger! And who cares about showering and toothbrushing!?! Not you!!!
Mostly “B”s – you are a great fan, you have a good head on your shoulders, and we should grab a cold beverage some time soon.
Mostly “C”s – you are a bluehair, and you take the fun out of it for everybody. You would be very offended by this article, and my portrayal of you, but you are not reading it, because you are admiring yourself in the mirror, before your next alumni gathering.
This quiz is all in fun, and I really hope nobody takes it too seriously. Either way, Go Blue, and have a great day.
Please follow me on Twitter @LanceGordon