Monday Monologue: 3.12.12

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Lance is a diehard Michigan fan based deep in enemy territory (Columbus, Ohio). You can follow him on Twitter @LanceGordon. Look for his “Monday Monologue” series every Monday right here at The Big House Report!

Monday Monologue 03.12.12

I thought I was going to be done writing this much sooner, but after every line I wrote, the Big Ten officials had to huddle up and make sure I didn’t foul anyone. I also got barreled over by Jared Sullinger, so they gave me 2 quick fouls.

Like many areas hit hard by the recession, the city of Columbus is cutting their budget as well. One solution proposed is bottling up the red that comes from Thad Matta’s face & Aaron Craft’s cheeks, and using it to give all the fire trucks a fresh coat of paint.

Turns out Michigan will be playing Ohio University in the 1st round of the tournament. No, not that Ohio, THAT Ohio. To help you differentiate our first round opponent with our hated rival, here are the Top 10 Names to alternatives to “Beat Ohio”: (credit to twitter contributors in parentheses)

10. Beat Ohio’s little brother
9. Beat The World’s Most Interesting Ohio
8. Beat Ohio that goes to class
7. Beat Bowl Eligible Ohio (@HolySmHoke)
6. Beat Non-Probationary Ohio
5. Beat Ohio with the tougher mascot (@HelloHeisman21)
4. Beat Ohio that the Ohio Messiah didn’t offer a scholarship to (@nevmac)
3. Beat Ohio that pays for its tattoos (@HolySmHoke, @michiganisbest)
2. Beat Ohio That Doesn’t Cheat (@HolySmHoke)
1. Beat THE Ohio University (@APetrelak)

Despite playing poorly down the stretch this season, the Northwestern faithful  were very upset about not making it into their first tournament. A few of them traveled to the site where the selection committee gathered. When the committee exited the building, they were pelted with calculators, bunsen burners, and protractors.

I see that Robert Griffin is playing really well for Baylor lately, or Brittany Griner as he’s known on the basketball court.

Most of the experts are taking Kentucky or UNC to win the tournament this year. However, @rivalsmike says Florida State leads the field. He also says they lead for Shane Morris.

Derek Devine
Institutional voice of Alma College during the day, Michigan fanatic at night. Taking TBHR to the next level one post at a time.